42 Ducks
by The ShadowEye
Summary: 42 ducks. Enough said. Cross-posted on AO3


**This story takes place after _The Avengers,_ but before any following movie.**

 **Disclaimer: It's not mine if it's someone else's.**

 **Dedicated to the best father I could ask for. Happy birthday!**

 **42 Ducks**

1

"Hey Pepper," Tony called. "What's the function of a rubber duck?"

He held up the rubber duck he found on the conference table for Pepper to see. She rolled her eyes.

"What?" Tony asked. "It's from Harry Potter."

"Where did you even get the rubber duck from?" Pepper asked, taking the duck from him. It was a standard run-of-the-mill rubber duck, except for the 1/42 written on the bottom.

"I just found it on the table," Tony said. Pepper didn't look convinced. "Honestly."

"Well," Pepper finally said. "Put it somewhere. In the trash, preferably, but out of sight will do. I don't think Fury wants to see you holding a rubber duck."

* * *

2

He found the second one in his shoe.

He pulled it out and inspected it. It was the same basic design, except this time the bottom read 2/42.

Tony sighed and put it on the windowsill next to 1/42.

* * *

5

Tony bit into something rubber.

"You've got to be kidding me," he muttered to himself, taking the bun off of his burger. In the middle of the burger was a small, partially-bitten rubber duck.

Tony picked it out of his burger and checked the bottom. Sure enough, 5/42 was written on the bottom. But how did it get into his burger?

Unlike the four previous ducks, this one had Iron Man armor on it. It was smaller, too, than the others. Tony wondered where it came from. Could you order Iron Man rubber ducks on Amazon?

* * *

10

Tony couldn't remember ever being this tired before.

To be fair, he was so tired he could barely remember his name.

He sighed in relief as he closed his bedroom door behind him and walked to his bed. His nice, warm, beautiful bed.

But on top of the bed sat a massive rubber duck.

The thing was nearly as wide as the bed itself, and came up to Tony's waste. It was red, white, and blue, with star and stripes and firework designs.

And it was keeping Tony from his bed.

* * *

17

Tony picked up a different mug of coffee than he put down.

He almost dropped the mug out of surprise. There was nobody around except him and his work, but somehow his mug had been replaced.

With a duck mug.

Tony carefully sipped his coffee. It was the same taste and temperature as before.

Weird.

* * *

23

Someone redid his entire bathroom.

The floor was covered in yellow rugs. His mirror had been replaced with a dorkier, yellow-framed one. His nine regular-sized rubber ducks lined the sink, and his toothbrush was in the duck mug. The shower curtain now had a duck pattern, and the large duck, which Tony had been affectionately calling "Cap", set in the shower.

That didn't bother Tony. What bothered him was how steamy it was.

The new mirror had writing on it - the kind of writing kids do in the steam that accumulates. The writing read "23/42".

* * *

31  
Pepper looked at Tony like he was the weirdest thing she had ever seen. Bruce and Cap were giving him similar looks.

"What?" He asked.

"What's with the..." Pepper gestured to his general body.

"You don't like it?" Tony asked, looking down at his new bathrobe and slippers.

The robe was fuzzy blue with a duck on the chest, which matched the duck slippers. He had discovered them that morning, and had decided that the slippers were extremely comfortable. He hadn't taken them off yet.

And he just had to wear the matching robe.

"It's... interesting," Pepper replied.

* * *

40

"Sir, your limo is outside."

Tony placed his champagne down on the table. It was about time. No one at the fancy, stuck-up party Fury had forced him to go to was any fun.

Bidding his current chatter partner goodbye, he fabulously exited the room and walked down the steps. He strutted through the front door, only to freeze when he saw his ride.

 _Who even makes duck limos?_

* * *

42  
"Jarvis," Tony said.

"Yes, sir?" Jarvis replied.

"Why is there a _live_ duck on my bed?" Tony asked.

"It was a gift," Jarvis answered.

"From who?"

"No idea, I'm afraid."

* * *

Meanwhile, Fury sat in his office, feet up on his desk, cackling.

* * *

 **Happy birthday to you**

 **Happy birthday to you**

 **Happy birthday to you-ou**

 **Happy birthday to you**


End file.
